BULLS HIT....so contemporary

Ay Up Chucks......

Before I forget-Ell and Ben, good house warming last week, the fist st. paddy's day for a while that I have not had at least one pint of Guinness. Oh and I think I ate most of your food but I didn't spill anything on your carpets...

The weekend is here again...hoorah! Just got back from the Chiltern Sculpture Trail...not normally the sort of thing I go to on a saturday but now I feel I have embraced a bit of culture, stretched my legs, and frozen my bits off it is bloody freezing today. To give you an idea of how 'contemporary' this sculpture trail is, one of the pieces was called 'posts modern' (see the cleverness of adding an s, oooo artists are sooo clever) and the sculpture consisted of a bunch of white posts stuck in the ground in the middle of the forest. Me and Ellie were shocked to find a piece by a fellow Ex fine art student who we did our degree with. The piece was literally coins attached to wire hanging from a tree......yep, hmmmmm. Evidently my 'out of the box thinking' has expired since my uni days. Now contemporary art just irritates me-I should have taken that module in 'bullshitting your way into a gallery' Would have been much more useful than the ability to draw or paint it seems. I'm pretty open minded but I can't be doing with the total lack of skill and effort, it is insulting...but as long as there is a big long complex explanation it can be considered art. There were a few kind of skilled pieces, a tree sculpted out of metal, and some kind of half finished wicca pot things....Perhaps it was the coldness that prevented more enthusiasm...that and Ben's constant complaining because he was worried about missing the football....Ben it's only footie, Agghhhh the blasphemy!. I have been inspired to create my own sculpture though...it is as my post title indicates 'BULLS HIT' and shall be a large mountain of steaming poo exploring the notion that faeces though a beautiful and natural product, can possess the strength and danger of a bull if created the morning after eating Ed's Chilli Sauce.

Anyway, going to be brief as I have to go do some Alice in Wonderland researching.... got some more freelance work from Yuki which is cool...I've missed Alice! Right off down my rabbit hole or I shall be late, late for a very important date, a very important date with myself, this is becoming a recurring theme in my life.

Ell, hope George manages to fix your internet...BT the bastards.

byeeeeeeeeee

Curly whirlys have shrunk

Before I forget...sara I am not in wolves this weekend, but if all goes to plan I shall be in the area on the 31st.....Oh my, apathy sure set in lately where my blog is concerned anyway. Yes, blog neglect has become a common feature in my blog....but I shall get us right back up to speed (shan't take long, my life is filled with large episodes of nothing followed by a sprinkling of STRESS AND PRESSURE AND OH MY GOD I'M DYING, then another moment or so of quiet and disdainful ignorant bliss)

Soooo....erm, oh yes, it's been a couple of weeks me thinks. I had a visit from Jade the weekend before last which was nice, we ended up going to 'Desta-Nation' at the cellar and dancing around like total spazzes to reggae and jungle...twas fun though, but we were both knackered for the rest of the weekend....you try dancing to reggae for hours on end, it's a bleedin' workout, tones those thighs up a treat. I also came away with war wounds from being continually slapped in the face by this girl's synthetic dreadlock/plait-like constructions, gosh they chafe like nobody's business....I wonder if she is in a constant state of pain and regret....I'm sure having purple plaits glued to her scalp seemed like an excellent idea at the time but the chafing must be relentless...Simple menial tasks become hazardous escapades.....goes to cross a busy road, turns her head to the right...'shit my face is chafed', turn to the left, ouch she receives another chafing (but at least in this example the chafings would be symmetrical) For the everyday she must have to keep the hair tied back I'm thinking, but then that means she then seeks revenge on the innocents when she goes out, unleashing the locks of dread on us at weekends, scarring those that mock her braids of doom.

On the bus home I managed to get a seat...I then realized that with this seat came a man....a strange man with small legs, two crutches and a horrific speech impediment which caused him to spit in a perpetual manner. Jade sat in the seat opposite and I caught her eye....she was prepared for an amusing journey I could tell....she was smug about the fact that I was sitting by the freak and she was a safe distance away(she thought). And yes...as usual the weirdo begins to rant-at me...and me being the tolerant and polite person that I am allowed this man to cover me in saliva coated ramblings. It was unpleasant. Not only was it pretty difficult to understand what he was saying but the bits I did comprehend were disgusting and inappropriate. At one point he was describing an episode that occurred when he was a young boy in a swimming pool, an embarrassing episode that involved him losing control of a certain organ. Why? Why do people tell me stuff like this...I would really rather not know, honestly, not even the one voyeuristic bone in my body was relishing these moments.

And jade just sits, enjoying my uncomfortable experience. But ha! the weirdo turns his evil slobberings her way and I watch as she attempts not to show her repulsion as he rants in her face. And hen we are saved by the fact that the bus has reached our stop and I go to stand up. The horrid little man gestures to me that he wants to tell me something...for some reason I bend down to hear-why? Why do I just let people talk to me when I have already confirmed in my mind that they are NUTTERS...curiosity perhaps.....so he says to me "is that a brummie twang I hear in your voice, I've always found that a funny one?" I was being insulted by a cripple with a speech impediment...and I even got all riled up and became defensive.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Even the bloody nutters of Oxford are rejecting my northern nature. And I don't even come from bloody Birmingham, aghhhhhh. I thought after five years of careful diluting my accent was kind of neutral, but it seems this is not the case. Oh well I would rather sound a bit dopey than like a bloomin' inbred farmer like some oxonians do.

Right...back to erm whatever I was going on about...yes so had fun with Jade, we watched The Departed FINALLY...I'd been meaning to watch this for AGES, and anything Scorsese related is a sure bet....as a bonus Leo DiCaprio got his head shot off so I was happy.

Spent the week before last being extremely ill, full of cold, sore throat, suffering from cough induced insomnia etc. and more or less spent last weekend comatosed. But I think I'm on the mend...felt much more human this week(and that's odd because I hardly ever feel like a proper real-life human) Ben, sorry I missed your leaving do...I was sleeping and hallucinating at the time.

This week I haven't done any jogging which is bad, but I've been walking home from Botley which is good..walking is under rated, you leisurely stroll listening to a few tunes and by magic you have got from A to B, broken a slight sweat and filled your lungs with pollution.

Anyways...I'm off to have a shower, I have 'mothersday' scrawled across my cheek in reverse (I lay on my bloody hand again).

P.S. I have become obsessed with Julian Barrat and Noel Fielding...I've always been a Boosh fan but I can't get enough of the dueling dynamos and anything relating to them...In the last few weeks I've watched all of the Boosh again, the live at Brixton show, all of Nathan Barley, Sweet, Asylum, unnatural acts, scarily old stand up.....I need a fix. My plan is to have electro goth babies with Noel and for julian to teach them all about the spirit of jazz.......

Right, off now...Ellie and Ben I shall see you tonight, I have white wine, is that transparent enough? I don't want to blemish your wonderfully new carpets, that is what house warming s are about isn't it, not staining anything? And I have my slippers at the ready.

P.P.S. cheers for the burger and cheers for the curry. See ya folks.

Gunna have a wander into Oxford....absorb the culture and the fumes of the newly laid tarmac on the high street...nice.

Anyway