Pinch me punch me first of the month me!
It is the weekend already, my it has turned up quickly!
Tonight my plan is to eat a large portion of fish and chips, followed by a big bar of Galaxy chocolate. Then, after an hours recovery I shall drink enough wine to illude myself to the point where I actually believe ironing is a good idea. I only ever iron when I'm drunk, it just works better for me that way, you know, not being fully conscious helps detract you from the monotony. In fact, ironing can be fun when you are drunk, but not if you iron your arms, that is a bad, disfiguring habit I ought to break. When did my friday nights become so uneventful, I'm considering bloody ironing on a bloody friday night, bloody hell, my god what is wrong with me? (just slapping myself round the chops with a piece of battered cod) That's better. Right, perhaps I will just drink a lot of wine and look at the pile of ironing, then dismiss it and go do something fun. Nah, can't be bothered to move. Hmmmmm......I am making a promise to myself that as soon as I get paid at the end of the month I am dismissing the ironing every friday and I shall do fun, entertaining things! But tonight as I am quite poor the only thing I can do is find new ways of irritating George. Okay I am going to speak like Kryten all evening (red dwarf/scrapheap challenge guy) Yes, that's it, I will manage to even irritate myself doing that. It's a plan, bye folks, got some serious stupidity to attend to.
Later.........
I'm now fat. I cannot move, the piece of cod I just consumed was bigger than a five year old. I have the ability to eat a five year old.
Okay, George is far too absorbed in computer games (and far too fat from chips) to find me in the least entertaining so I am now going to iron, then read, and I may drink some of the Linctus I have become addicted to since I had a cold. It is a lemon and honey generic tesco's cough lintus but it's really nice, I'm constantly overdosing on the stuff.....well you've got to get your thrills somewhere haven't you?
Nighty nite.
P.S. Mum, get out of the pub and answer your phone, I'm bored.....and shouldn't this be the other way round? I'm feeling a bit like Saffy from Ab Fab (minus the dodgy woolen waistcoat and corduroy combo's) I want to know if you have read any of 'DRY'. I'm assuming if you have read any it had a similar effect on you and made you see the fun side of being an alcoholic?
Anyway.......I'm a bit tipsy now, time to iron.
Tonight my plan is to eat a large portion of fish and chips, followed by a big bar of Galaxy chocolate. Then, after an hours recovery I shall drink enough wine to illude myself to the point where I actually believe ironing is a good idea. I only ever iron when I'm drunk, it just works better for me that way, you know, not being fully conscious helps detract you from the monotony. In fact, ironing can be fun when you are drunk, but not if you iron your arms, that is a bad, disfiguring habit I ought to break. When did my friday nights become so uneventful, I'm considering bloody ironing on a bloody friday night, bloody hell, my god what is wrong with me? (just slapping myself round the chops with a piece of battered cod) That's better. Right, perhaps I will just drink a lot of wine and look at the pile of ironing, then dismiss it and go do something fun. Nah, can't be bothered to move. Hmmmmm......I am making a promise to myself that as soon as I get paid at the end of the month I am dismissing the ironing every friday and I shall do fun, entertaining things! But tonight as I am quite poor the only thing I can do is find new ways of irritating George. Okay I am going to speak like Kryten all evening (red dwarf/scrapheap challenge guy) Yes, that's it, I will manage to even irritate myself doing that. It's a plan, bye folks, got some serious stupidity to attend to.
Later.........
I'm now fat. I cannot move, the piece of cod I just consumed was bigger than a five year old. I have the ability to eat a five year old.
Okay, George is far too absorbed in computer games (and far too fat from chips) to find me in the least entertaining so I am now going to iron, then read, and I may drink some of the Linctus I have become addicted to since I had a cold. It is a lemon and honey generic tesco's cough lintus but it's really nice, I'm constantly overdosing on the stuff.....well you've got to get your thrills somewhere haven't you?
Nighty nite.
P.S. Mum, get out of the pub and answer your phone, I'm bored.....and shouldn't this be the other way round? I'm feeling a bit like Saffy from Ab Fab (minus the dodgy woolen waistcoat and corduroy combo's) I want to know if you have read any of 'DRY'. I'm assuming if you have read any it had a similar effect on you and made you see the fun side of being an alcoholic?
Anyway.......I'm a bit tipsy now, time to iron.
posted by kaz at 6:13 pm
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